Sean Penn on a pussy whipped Kevin Bacon

"It doesn't pay to be too judgemental. Like my tai chi instructor used to say - 'you can walk a mile in a man's shoes ... but to get inside his head you'd need to be shrunken down microscopically like Martin Short in that film Inner Space, the technology for which does not exist yet'.

Reminds me how we all ganged up on Kevin Bacon during the Mystic River shoot. He was on the outs with his wife Kyra Sedgwick back then and dating Loretta Devine. Quite a strange coupling you might think, but let me tell you Wally there ain't a black woman alive who doesn't love Bacon.

God damn, I wouldn't touch her with Cheney's cock and Wolfowitz doing all the pushing, but the bitch had moves ... moves, and a pussy that was whistlin' Dixie ... and poor Kevin, he was in over his head.

She moved into his place during filming, and straight away started redecorating the place with Igbo tribal masks and 24 x 36 posters of a shirtless Usher. The ribbing from the cast and crew was relentless. Clint, Tim Robbins and I would make whipping sounds on the set and burst into laughter each time he was shooting a scene. 

But when she threw out all of Kevin's Footloose memorablia to make way for her collection of leopard print jeggings, I knew I had to step in. 

Loretta Devine: no, me either

I took Kevin to one side and said that nobody likes an ugly confrontation, especially with a 300 lb bruiser like Loretta Devine, but sometimes it's unavoidable. Usually I would be the first to promote a non-violent solution, but that bitch had to go. 

The era of Neville Chamberlain appeasement was through, it was time to get all Churchill on that ass.
 

Needless to say, Kevin went straight home and ejected that cooze straight off the premises. Witnesses say they hadn't seen a black woman that size move so quick since KFC were doing 2 for 1 on spicy wings back in 93.

It wasn't easy for him 'cos Bacon is a sweet and generous soul, but I guess there's a time for civility and there's a time for opening a can of whup-ass on a crazy bitch."