"This was when we were filming Colors. Maria was looking to launch her career in Hollywood back then, and was jumping at any given chance to be the talk of the town. Every night after the shoot, she would slide up against the cast members one by one, rubbing the inside of their thighs and asking if they wanted to see what she called her "South Caracas Vagina Gambit". She went to Dennis Hopper's trailer one evening and did a striptease for him, offering to tongue his starfish if he got his agent to put her on the books.
Well let me tell you, she sure got the attention she craved. Unfortunately it wasn't from myself, the director or anybody with clout in tinseltown. A pack of hairy arsed lighting riggers took her round the back of the lot and split her ringpiece five ways from Sunday in a frenzied attack, the likes of which had not been seen since Alaric's Sacking of Rome.
... and then that was the end of Maria's Hollywood journey. She got a small part in Predator 2 after giving Danny Glover a tuggie at the Oscars back in '89, but it's a sad state of affairs when you have to play second fiddle to Bill Paxton and a seven foot alien with the dental work of a Cambodian refugee.
I guess some people think that on the road to stardom, there's no such thing as bad publicity. But let me tell you this - I've heard of genital warts, but I'm not rushing out my front door to get infected with them."
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