"Let me tell you , guns are no laughing matter. I learnt the hard way on the shoot of The Thin Red Line back in 1998. There were a lot of heavy hitters on the set. Myself, Clooney, Travolta, Woody Harrelson and Nick Nolte. The air was humid, thick with the scent of ego, money and man juice.
Nolte in particular was out of control back then. Filming in remote Queensland didn't do him any favours. The poor guy was suffering from cocaine withdrawal, heat stroke and some sort of yeast infection he got from banging a hooker he had flown in from Maroochydore.
He became totally subsumed in his role as Lieutenant Gordon Tall, thinking he was actually leading C Company into battle somewhere around the Solomon Islands, waving his gun around off camera and screaming out "kill the japs! kill them all!" in his coarse, whiskey stained voice.
When Nick Stahl tried to calm him down and accidentally called him Gary Busey, Nolte started firing indiscriminantly and it was on like Donkey Kong my friend. I dove towards Nolte and tackled him to the ground, prying the gun loose from his hand.
When Nick Stahl tried to calm him down and accidentally called him Gary Busey, Nolte started firing indiscriminantly and it was on like Donkey Kong my friend. I dove towards Nolte and tackled him to the ground, prying the gun loose from his hand.
At this point, Clooney and Travolta jumped in, bellowing 'this is for Lorenzo's Oil you miserable cunt' before launching a vicious assault upon him, the likes of which have not been seen since Caesar stormed Actium.
However, in the ensuing brouhaha some shots were fired and Adrien Brody caught one in the cock. The boy hasn't been right since. People think that sad look on his face throughout The Pianist was acting. It wasn't. It was because The Pianist sounds just like The Penis. And Brody doesn't have one anymore. That Polanski sure is one twisted fuck."
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