Sometimes I do a bit of travelling in my role as an insurance claims adjustor. Mostly to industry conferences and so forth. Well recently I went to America - land of the free, home of the Kardashians.
Being all jetlagged and whatever, I was waking up at ungodly hours and flicking on the idiot box (there's little else to do in a hotel room). That's where I came across this show. Law & Order: SVU.
Now at first I thought that Dick Wolf's brain had finally shit itself, and he'd written a spinoff show for a utility vehicle that solves crimes.
Basically, the officers of the SVU investigate crimes of a sexual nature. Unfortunately this does not involve Showgirls, a criminally awful 1995 film with Gina Gershon lezzing off and some gratuitous flange shots, but instead deals with stuff like rape, incest and anal penetration with a Louisville Slugger.
That last one was an actual incident on one of the episodes I watched. At 5am in the morning. At a premiums conference in San Antonio, Texas. Combined with a steady stream of commercials for diet pills, Denny's and psychotropic medication, it soon became apparent to me why America is going down the toilet faster than anything I ate the entire time I was trapped in that god-forsaken colonial outpost.
And who do they have investigating these "especially heinous" crimes?
Prisoner ID 98K514. |
Why, only one of the most violent and deranged criminals ever to grace the inside of the Oswald Maximum Security Penitentiary! Jeez Louise. Well at least he would know where to start looking I guess.
More interesting however is the choice of Chris Keller's partner, Detective Olivia Benson, played by actress Mariska Hargitay. Try saying that out loud. It sounds like the noise a Polish nanny makes when you throw her down a flight of stairs (relax you soft serves, I haven't done that in months).
"Ring, ring ... hello? Yes, this is Easter Island. One of our fucking statues is missing." |
Look at that face. Look at it. I mean, seriously. The only reason the NYPD assigned her to sex crimes must have been to scare rapists straight. I could actually feel myself turning celibate watching her on the screen.
This one of the most idiotic television shows currently being broadcast. Which is no chopped liver I can assure you.
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