Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall

<insert obvious cock joke here>

Back when Wally was in short pants, I used to beat up kids named Hugh. Not simply because their name was Hugh, but because everyone ever named Hugh in the history of the known universe is a floppy-haired cock that deserved it quite frankly. Think about it. Hugh Grant, Hugh Laurie, Hugh Jackman. Do you know any black or Asian guys named Hugh? Of course you don't.

aka Wolverine

So in a way, I guess I did beat them up because their names were Hugh. Hmmm. This is really one of those chicken & egg scenarios.

No exception to the "Wally Donuts Hugh Principle" is the British celebrity chef Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. I never went to school with HFW,  but I can tell you that he definitely would've got his twice weekly pummeling alongside the rest of them. Christ with that double-barreled last name, even the teachers probably would've kicked his arse.

They must have done actually, and HFW has clearly over compensated for this by becoming the type of man who brews his own cider while he kills, fucks and cooks every living animal in existence.

not even close, fella

This is all pretty good going for a bloke named Hugh. Even if he does look a lot like Harry Hill with Meg Ryan hair's grafted onto his head. 

dear God no