"It started on the set of All The King's Men back in 2006. We had a good catering crew on site down there in the Big Easy, lots of fresh organic produce and fair trade items as per the strict terms of my contract. Felt good to support local business too after Katrina.
Eat right, act right - that's my motto.
Anyway, I would take all the leftovers at the end of the shoot each day over to the homeless shelter down by Canal St, only I noticed that someone was beating me to it. I know for a fact we had dozens of crab cakes, custard cream beignets and sweet jelly rolls that went missing from the catering trailer. A thief was in our midst.
At first I suspected Gandolfini, the guy is a friggin' monster after all.
There was a Guatemalan chef named Hector who made a white chocolate bread pudding that was to die for, and when a whole tray of that went missing I knew I had to take action.
I followed the crumbs all the way back to Winslet's trailer. Lo and behold, that pudgy strumpet was forcing cake down her rosy-cheeked face at a whiplash-inducing speed. It was unseemly. Put it this way, if she'd invested that much effort into bailing water out of the Titanic's hull, that particular film would've had a much more upbeat ending.
So I kicked in the trailer door cowboy style and went Ike Turner on the bitch. I told her that nobody stops the homeless from eating when Sean Penn is in town. It got ugly. Almost as ugly as she is. We haven't spoken since."
There was a Guatemalan chef named Hector who made a white chocolate bread pudding that was to die for, and when a whole tray of that went missing I knew I had to take action.
I followed the crumbs all the way back to Winslet's trailer. Lo and behold, that pudgy strumpet was forcing cake down her rosy-cheeked face at a whiplash-inducing speed. It was unseemly. Put it this way, if she'd invested that much effort into bailing water out of the Titanic's hull, that particular film would've had a much more upbeat ending.
So I kicked in the trailer door cowboy style and went Ike Turner on the bitch. I told her that nobody stops the homeless from eating when Sean Penn is in town. It got ugly. Almost as ugly as she is. We haven't spoken since."
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