"Whoa ... artistic integrity versus the clarion call of cheddar! Hot damn you've touch a nerve here Wally, because this is a constant battle in Hollywood, trying to find that balance between turning in a powerhouse performance and simply paying the bills so that you're not ending each day with a bowl of ramen noodles for dinner and a 38 Special to your head.
Now back when I was trying to break into the film game, there was always the temptation to make a quick buck doing commercials for Doritos or Lucky Charms, basically selling your ass like a two-bit hooker on Sunset.
And some people begin to doubt their abilities, and they wonder if they're cut out for the life of an actor, well that's when they start out on that slippery slope chasing the cash, shucking and jiving for the cameras like a minstrel with haemorrhoids.
Eric Stoltz was one of these guys.
Back on the set on Fast Times At Ridgemont High he was already doing bit work on the side for advertisers, prostituting himself for the green. He was always trying to rope in the other actors on the set too, taking their eyes off the prize for some quick financial gain.
When he started whispering in Judge Reinhold's ear about a $500 gig hawking Soda Streams, I knew I had to step in and lay it down.
I took Stoltz to one side and told him that some of us are in this for the love of the artform, not to peddle Mars bars and convince some douchebag in the flyover states that they feel like Chicken Tonight.
I said that he had better put the brakes on that commercial bullshit pronto around me. Motherfucker kept running his jibs about getting paid like Johnny Kemp on a Friday so I went off like a hurricane on his stupid fuckin' ass, chopping and swinging like Paul Bunyan on angel dust.
People think he spent hours in makeup getting prepped for his role as Rocky Dennis in Mask, but the truth is that Stoltz was still reeling from the gorilla style smackdown he got from yours truly.
Anyway, fuck that guy. There's only room for X amount of redheads in Hollywood and Stoltz is like friendster to Caruso's facebook."
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