"Hi my name is Stephen Tobolowsky and I am one of the greatest character actors to ever walk this planet. Yet despite this you may only recognise me from pretty much every low rent TV series in the last decade or so. Heroes, Glee, Entourage and Californication are all notable stinkers I've graced with my presence.
Now don't get it twisted I've also appeared on shows such as Deadwood, Curb Your Enthusiasm and the current flagship of televisual ownage Justified, and shit nigga I've also done big screen work on films like Memento and The Insider.
But anyone with any semblance of all that is good and decent in this world will take one look at my bespectacled JC Penney-shopping ass and say: motherfucker that's Ned Ryerson! BING!"
"Hola! My name is Joaquim de Almeida. Now I know a name like that makes me sound like a character from some Don Quixote revival but in fact I pay the rent by impersonating a South American drug baron in quite frankly any Hollywood film that will have me, even though I'm actually Portuguese.
And if you ask me whether I'm Javier Bardem or not I will actually shoot you, I'm not even fucking kidding."
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