When Sean Penn met the Beastie Boys and David Lee Roth

"Hot damn Wally, I don’t know where you found that relic but let me assure you...this was a night to remember, as 80s fruity funkanauts Shalamar once sang. 

In fact they might have even been at the same party, I forget! All that disco dandruff floating around buddy, quite frankly my memory ain’t what it used to be.

Anyway, what I do recall is meeting the Beastie Boys when they were opening for Madonna on her US tour back in 1985. 

You gotta remember kids, this was a different time and place. Crack was cool and the Cold War was on like donkey kong. Wang Chung were a force to be reckoned with in the pop charts and I was married to Madonna for fuck’s sake! 

 

So we were all hanging out, getting loaded and shooting dice at an afterparty for the Spies Like Us premiere somewhere in the Bowery. Some idiot on the door let Dave Lee Roth in, and he was clinging to me all night like an autistic child with his mum at a fun fair, out his mind on Quaaludes and mumbling about going solo. 

I was hanging with Ad-Rock and the crew by the bar, and I believe that’s when the photo in question was taken. Yauch was going crazy that night, downing jaeger bombs and getting into fights with anyone about anything. 

He bitchslapped Eric Stoltz for making jokes about Gorbachev and Perestroika. Then he headbutt the construction worker from the Village People, screaming “Free Nelson Mandela!” before he smashed a bottle of Jack Daniels across the bar and started swinging at the one dressed as an Indian chief. The other two were later seen screaming "WHY MCA?!" on the corner of 14th and Madison.

Things got a little hazy after this.

Next thing I knew it was morning, the sun peeking through the Manhattan skyline like a rapist through curtains. I was in the courtyard below, face in down in a rosebush and covered in what I hope was my own vomit. Fuggin New York, it always brings the worst out in people.

So I stumbled back into the party…which was still going strong. Chevy Chase was naked on one of the tables, dancing to ‘Like A Virgin’ with an ashtray as a codpiece. Judd Nelson and the rest of the Breakfast Club were cheering him on, stuffing dollar bills up his ass crack while Ringwald did lines of blow off her own tits. It was insane.

I found Yauch and the rest of the Beasties upstairs chilling with Dave Lee Roth and Steve Guttenberg. I asked them what the fuck happened, they start laughing and tell me that at some point last night I bet everyone in the room a thousand bucks I could fly.

Before anyone said anything I ran and jumped out the window, smashing through glass and landing in the garden below. 

'What the fuck?!' I asked Mike D. 'Why didn’t you assholes stop me??!'

Dave Lee Roth just looked at me and said: 'Sean bro, I bet them all TWO thousand bucks you could do it!'

So I checked into rehab a few days later."