"Hot damn, you thought Ashton Kutcher's mum was up for it 24/7, well she don't have shit on the Dougster back in his prime. When we were filming The Game it was intense. Sexually.
This was before he got married to Catherine Zeta Jones, and he was on a roll back in the nineties with hit films like Falling Down and The American President.
The combination of playing the POTUS and some beleagured defense contractor who goes batshit with a Louisville Slugger obviously hotwired his brain somehow, and Douglas was out of control like a monkey on Viagra.
Fincher would talk us through the day's scenes, and Douglas would be rubbing his crotch on the nearest camera stand, whispering "maaaamy" and staring off into the distance. At lunch he would hit the catering table, cock out, stuffing egg salad sandwiches down the front of his pleated Armani trousers and insisting the staff call him "Bad Spanky" and then spit on him.
When he cornered James Rebhorn and insisted he stick two fingers up his rectum and shout the lyrics to 'Tubthumping' by Chumbawumba in his ear while Douglas beat himself off with a soft fruit peeler, I knew I had to step in.
I took MD to one side and set him straight. I said just because he has some weird Freudian deal due to catching his dad rimjobbing the pool boy as a young lad didn't give him the right to foist his demented proclivities upon the rest of us. Keeping it in our pants is what separates us from the animals. And the French.
Needless to say, he got his act together, zipped up, and delivered a stellar performance as bewildered investment banker Nicholas Van Orton."
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